Office Manage Your !@#$%^&* What?!

Can I help you…wait, what?!

Being a receptionist is just another part of the daily grind. If you saw my previous post, you have an idea of how I feel about customer service, and this part of the job is particularly painful for me.

The really crazy ones call in the morning. I should know better than to answer the phone before 10:30am, but sometimes I am so out of it that I forget and pick it up anyway, only to find myself trying to make sense out of conversations like this one:

(OM=Office Manager; Caller=anonymous female caller)

OM: Hello, [name of organization].

Caller: Hi I’d like to get on your mailing list

OM: Ok, let me get your name and….

Caller: How many black people are part of [your organization]?

OM: Excuse me?

Caller: I said, how many black people are a part of [your organization]?

OM: I don’t know offhand, maybe someone in the Marketing department has that…

Caller: You know, patriotic Americans from the 1600’s?

OM: What?

Caller: How many patriotic Americans from the 1600’s are a part of [your organization]?

OM: Well I don’t think anyone from that time period is still alive, ma’am.

Caller: I am talking about slaves, maybe you’ve heard of them?

OM: Just trying to make a joke there…

Caller: Where are you from?

OM: Cleveland, Ohio.

Caller: Cleveland, Ohio?

OM: There are a high percentage of black people from there.

Caller: Is that so? That’s good. Cleveland. All right, all right… Did you go to college?

OM: Yes.

Caller: What did you study?

OM: Sculpture.

Caller: Sculpture? What are you doing answering the phone?

OM: Why do you think I’m answering the phone?

Caller: Ha ha, because it’s the pink ghetto.

OM: The what?

Caller: The pink ghetto! They suppress the women and keep them as secretaries under the men.

OM: I don’t think that applies here.

Caller: So how do I get on your mailing list?

OM: I will need your address.

Caller: Ok, but I don’t live there, so you have to put “Care of: Friend.”

OM: Ok.

This phone call actually ended on a pretty positive note. But for future reference, arguing with the receptionist about whether or not the organization they’re working for uses discriminatory practices is not going to get you anywhere. You’re preaching to the choir. The person answering the phone is the last person you can accuse of social injustices, because let’s face it - receptionists are the lowest people on the office totem pole, other than interns.

Kitchen Rules, #1

The first thing any Office Manager needs to learn is that the kitchen is part of the office, and Dishwasher is just one of the many sub-titles that won’t fit on your business card.

If your kitchen sink doesn’t have a garbage disposal, this will complicate matters, and you will find yourself having to find a slew of creative ways to say, “Don’t clog up the sink, fuckers.”